Learning How To Say "NO!"

The StressFish admits to being something of a perfectionist. He prides himself on being able to handle lots of stress, keep multiple plates spinning in the air, and being that reliable guy you can always call on and they'll leap to your rescue.

But recently, this all has seemed like not such a good idea.

People pile more and more projects on, at any time; and the already overflowing task line is getting dangerously unstable, and nothing seems to get done properly any more.

In the final stages of this, nothing gets done at all any longer.

So the StressFish is learning how to say, "No."

At first, this was nearly painful, terrifying - if you don't do and be everything to everyone, won't people stop respecting you? Won't you feel like a failure? What of the quest to be that perfect StressFish of whom mommy and daddy can be proud?

Here's what the StressFish came to realise.

If perfection is required, this can only obtained by protecting projects and the flow and order and sequence in which these projects are executed from all these intrusions and extra tasks being piled on.

So the StressFish no longer leaps up to run to the dry cleaners for a favour for a friend or colleague when asked; he now calculates a suitable time WHEN THE MOST IMPORTANT PROJECTS HAVE BEEN FINISHED and offers this to the favour asker - "I'll pick up your dry cleaning tommorrow, around 8pm ..."

Oh? That's too late?

Too bad ...

But do let me know if you want me to do it tommorrow still ....

And now, back to the real task in hand.

With the success of this tactic, the StressFish is becoming braver.

He even says, "No!" now sometimes when asked to do this, or that, or that other thing, or could you just please ...

"No. I am finishing an important project at the moment, and I couldn't give yours the time and attention it clearly deserves. I wouldn't want to let you down ..."

It is astonishing how many of these random, spurious interruptive requests from others simply go away once one stops leaping into action immediately. Seems that the StressFish was NOT the only rescue, SuperMan flying in to save the hapless - because when he said no, they found someone else instead!

The fact that the projects the StressFish are working on becoming MORE perfect, more elegant, and his time is much better spent with much less stress is a revelation.

He is still always trying to be helpful - but not automatically so any longer, and no longer at the cost of his own projects, his time, and his performance.